Poems

Mom, please don’t feel guilty It was just my time to go. I see you are still feeling sad, And the tears just seem to flow.We all come to earth for our lifetime, And for some it’s not many years I don’t want you to keep crying You are shedding so many tears.I haven’t really left you Even though it may seem so. I have just gone to my heavenly home, And I’m closer to you than you know.Just believe that when you say my name I’m standing next to you, I know you long to see me, But there’s nothing I can do.But I’ll still send you messages And hope you understand, That when your time comes to “cross over,” I’ll be there to take your hand .

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I am right here Although you can't see me I see your tears I visit you often Go to work with you each day And when it's time to close your eyes On your pillows where I lay I hold your hand and stroke your hair And whisper in your ear If you're sad today Daddy Remember I am here God took me home This we know is true But you will always be my Daddy Even though I'm not with you I am Daddy's little angel We will never be apart For every time you think of me Please know I'm in your heart. I Love you Daddy

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My Mom is a survivor, or so I've heard it said. But I can hear her crying at night when all others are in bed. I watch her lay awake at night and go to hold her hand. She doesn't know I'm with her to help her understand. But like the sands on the beach that never wash away... I watch over my surviving mom, who thinks of me each day. She wears a smile for others... a smile of disguise! But through Heaven's door I see tears flowing from her eyes. My mom tries to cope with death to keep my memory alive. But anyone who knows her knows it is her way to survive. As I watch over my surviving mom through Heaven's open door... I try to tell her that angels protect me forevermore. I know that doesn't help her... or ease the burden she bears. So if you get a chance, go visit her...and show her that you care. For no matter what she says... no matter what she feels. My surviving mom has a broken heart that time won't ever heal. 

Mia and Mathew - Born and Die on 04/21/2013

My dear angels:
I feel that was yesterday when I had to let you go. I'm so sorry I could not help. My body was weak, my heart didnt cooperate.  Life is hard since you are gone. I cry everyday, nothing helps, I started the gym 2 months ago, but just to keep my mind busy. I need to get healthy but there is not reason for me to be better. Where are you? Daddy doesnt care about anything anymore. I hurt him with your lost. I feel sad for him, for our relationship. Why God? why us?

Today is my bday...and I wish you are with me

Diego, no sabes cuanta falta me haces. Fueron casi 5 meses que te tuve conmigo pero fueron suficiente para amarte como a nadie. Nunca pense que el amor de madre pueda ser tan fuerte hijo mio. Daria mi vida por tenerte aqui a mi lado, mirandome a los ojos. Hoy es mi cumpleanios y lo unico que quiero es decirte que te extrano hijo. Te extrano mucho bebe. Ojala me estes viendo y sepas que no hay ni un dia que no piense en ti. Besos mi amor.
Tu mama

One month since you are gone

Since yesterday I did not stop crying and I know why. Today it has been a month since you are gone. My dear baby you know how much I miss you. I know you are watching us, and I know you also miss us but someday we will meet and we will take care of you like we dreamed.

A day that I will never forget....

On Thursday 06/08/2012 at 01:50 am my baby boy Diego had born dead. He was 19 weeks and 3 days old. He was such a handsome little boy who looks much alike his father although he got my nose. Beautiful long little hands, beautiful lips and big head as his father used to call him. He was just perfect and we were so ready for him.

Everything happened so fast. On Thursday that morning I woke up like any other day, getting ready for work as usual and happy for another day of having my baby with me. That morning I just remember I woke up so thirsty. At work, everything was fine. I was getting ready for lunch and I went to the bathroom and then all of the sudden my water broke. It was amazing how the water started to come out. I just couldn’t believe it. Every footstep was painful since I knew my baby was in risk. My friend at work took me to Hackensack University where my husband was already there. He took me to the second floor where a nurse told me that once my water broke there was nothing that they can get done.

Once in the room, an OB came to see me and I heard saying she felt my baby feet. Immediately, they took me to a private room and I was induced to delivery. I got epidural and anesthesia to relief my back pain and cramps. My legs felt so numb and my head was killing me. Around 1:40 am I felt pressure on my pelvis and I knew I was ready to let my baby go. I didn’t want to do it, I keep telling my husband that our baby was coming and he was nervous and holding my hand trying to calm me down. I didn’t want to see my baby because I was mad and confused. Once I delivered my baby I started to push a bit for release the placenta. Since no all the placenta came out, I was took to a different room to get clean. My doctor was there and he assures everything was OK. Once in the recovery room a nurse showed up and told me if I want to see the baby. My husband went to get me apple juice then I asked the nurse if my baby was born alive. She said NO. In some way I was relief because my baby was not suffering while was born.  Then once my husband came back, I asked the nurse if it was a boy or a girl. She said a beautiful baby boy.

I always knew it was a boy. I got dreams with him but I never want to say something about it because I was afraid. Afraid of cheeriness my pregnancy, afraid of be OK, afraid of something bad happens.

I was hurt but besides the fact I lost my baby, seeing my husband broke in tears just tear my heart apart. I know how much we want our baby boy and it was just unbelievable Diego was not with us anymore. Once I was transferred to the recovering room, the nurse asked me again if I want to see my baby. I asked my husband and he agrees. The nurse brought Diego around 5:30 am. He was brought in a white bassinet. Once the nurse put Diego in my arms, I had a feeling that I will never forget. My son was in front of me, in a deep sleep and there was nothing I can do to waking him up. My husband also carried Diego and he was crying like a baby. We were supposed to cry because he will be with us and not because he was gone. I touch his little hands, his head, his ears, his lips, his eyelids, his nose, and his forehead. He was just perfect for Mommy and Daddy .

My Diego, anywhere you are, please give us the strength we need to keep moving forward. We, “tus papis” will always love you. You will always be our number one.