Diego, no sabes cuanta falta me haces. Fueron casi 5 meses que te tuve conmigo pero fueron suficiente para amarte como a nadie. Nunca pense que el amor de madre pueda ser tan fuerte hijo mio. Daria mi vida por tenerte aqui a mi lado, mirandome a los ojos. Hoy es mi cumpleanios y lo unico que quiero es decirte que te extrano hijo. Te extrano mucho bebe. Ojala me estes viendo y sepas que no hay ni un dia que no piense en ti. Besos mi amor.
Tu mama
Tuesday, July 17, 2012
Sunday, July 8, 2012
One month since you are gone
Since yesterday I did not stop crying and I know why. Today it has been a month since you are gone. My dear baby you know how much I miss you. I know you are watching us, and I know you also miss us but someday we will meet and we will take care of you like we dreamed.
A day that I will never forget....
On Thursday 06/08/2012 at 01:50
am my baby boy Diego had born dead. He was 19 weeks and 3 days old. He
was such a handsome little boy who looks much alike his father although he got my nose.
Beautiful long little hands, beautiful lips and big head as his father used to
call him. He was just perfect and we were so ready for him.
Everything happened so fast. On
Thursday that morning I woke up like any other day, getting ready for work as
usual and happy for another day of having my baby with me. That morning I just
remember I woke up so thirsty. At work, everything was fine. I was getting
ready for lunch and I went to the bathroom and then all of the sudden my water
broke. It was amazing how the water started to come out. I just couldn’t
believe it. Every footstep was painful since I knew my baby was in risk. My
friend at work took me to Hackensack University where my husband was already
there. He took me to the second floor where a nurse told me that once my water
broke there was nothing that they can get done.
Once in the room, an OB came to
see me and I heard saying she felt my baby feet. Immediately, they took me to a
private room and I was induced to delivery. I got epidural and anesthesia to
relief my back pain and cramps. My legs felt so numb and my head was killing
me. Around 1:40 am I felt pressure on my pelvis and I knew I was ready to let
my baby go. I didn’t want to do it, I keep telling my husband that our baby was
coming and he was nervous and holding my hand trying to calm me down. I didn’t
want to see my baby because I was mad and confused. Once I delivered my baby I
started to push a bit for release the placenta. Since no all the placenta came
out, I was took to a different room to get clean. My doctor was there and he
assures everything was OK. Once in the recovery room a nurse showed up and told
me if I want to see the baby. My husband went to get me apple juice then I
asked the nurse if my baby was born alive. She said NO. In some way I was
relief because my baby was not suffering while was born. Then once my husband came back, I asked the
nurse if it was a boy or a girl. She said a beautiful baby boy.
I always knew it was a boy. I got
dreams with him but I never want to say something about it because I was
afraid. Afraid of cheeriness my pregnancy, afraid of be OK, afraid of something
bad happens.
I was hurt but besides the fact I lost my baby, seeing my husband broke in tears just tear
my heart apart. I know how much we want our baby boy and it was just
unbelievable Diego was not with us anymore. Once I was transferred to the
recovering room, the nurse asked me again if I want to see my baby. I asked
my husband and he agrees. The nurse brought Diego around 5:30 am. He was brought
in a white bassinet. Once the nurse put Diego in my arms, I had a feeling that
I will never forget. My son was in front of me, in a deep sleep and there was
nothing I can do to waking him up. My husband also carried Diego and he was crying like
a baby. We were supposed to cry because he will be with us and not because he
was gone. I touch his little hands, his head, his ears, his lips, his eyelids, his
nose, and his forehead. He was just perfect for Mommy and Daddy .
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